Sunday, December 1, 2013

innuendo and the writing of letters

Well, here we are again on another Sunday night where I have filled my belly full right up and I can barely breathe.

Don't ask me why I do that. Because I don't know. But I made this cake. And this icing. And once said icing was on said cake it became positively irresistible.

And now I am stuffed right up. Again. On this here Sunday night.

So, anyway, I have decided Santa is super fun as an adult. But only for about 15 years, give or take. For 15 years, give or take, I have enjoyed the whole Santa is coming, hide your wrapping paper, separate your gifts from his, call him on the phone when the kids are naughty, wait in line for a 45 second please-bring-me-such-and-such, chimney, reindeer dust, milk and cookie shenanigans. But I feel sorta done.

Don't shoot me for being honest. For me, I just feel like it might be time to move on. But the little one is only 7 and she is deeply entrenched in the dark arts that are everything Santa Claus. I have decided that if she asks I will speak the truth but I'm not a monster, I won't just flat out tell her the truth about Santa.

Shhhhhh, it's a secret.

I will, however, buy you dinner and a KitKat if you tell her. By accident, of course.

I came here to tell you something and was completely side tracked.....

I don't even remember what side tracked me.

So I'll tell you about a party I went to last night. A girlie party. I love my friends, but seriously, at least one of them could use a quick 'how to' in the art of shopping for gift exchanges.

We had a gift exchange, as I previously mentioned. It was lovely. Until it came to my turn. By the time it got to my turn the vintage punch bowl had been stolen three times and was no longer in play. The beautiful homemade owl blanket had been stolen three times and was no longer in play. The cool stripey scarf and the homemade painting had both been stolen three times each and were no longer in play. The amazingly precious, much sought after, by me, ceramic owl had been stolen three times and was no longer in play.

BLASTED!!!! I wanted that owl, and that dang punch bowl. Basically, all things my heart desired had been stolen so many times I did not stand a chance. So I stole the adorable sunflower pyrex bowls knowing that some heartless fool would take them from my desperate hands the first chance she got. And I was right.

So I opened a new gift.

Sex magnets.

Yep, you heard me. Fridge poetry of the sexual innuendo kind.

I have teenagers, for crying out loud! What on earth am I going to do with fridge poetry of the sexual innuendo kind?

I'm pretty sure I am going to do nothing with fridge poetry of the sexual innuendo kind.

And surprise surprise, no one wanted to steal it from me either so I ended up with with sex magnets. This is not even something I can regift because I don't know a single person who would want sex magnets. I doubt even the person who brought them would want them.

I wish I knew who it was so I could say a special prayer on her behalf this very night. I threw those blasted sex magnets into the gag gift exchange pile and the person who got them refused to take them home!

No one wants sex magnets!!

No one, I say.

So I took a perfectly lovely gift and came home with nothing. How does that work?! Boo, hiss.

But wow, the food was amazing. It is pretty awesome what women can create when they cook for the ones they love.

Their friends.

And I truly love my friends. I would throw myself on a fire fueled by sex magnets for any one of them.

Moving on, did you know that December 3rd is the opening day for Giving Tuesday? A new global movement for giving and sharing. I think it's splendid.

Some of you may already know that I volunteer with a program called Art a la Carte. This is a volunteer run program that provides art at the bedside of cancer patients who are hospital bound. I am their creative writer and I am truly honoured to be associated with such an amazing group of volunteers. Go to this link and see what awesomeness they are up to as of December 3rd, 2013. 

If you feel so inclined, as I do on occasion, to give back then please click the link and write your letter. What a treat to be able to help in such a simple and unique way but to have it mean so much to someone in need.

Plus, it's Christmas.....and I know you are totally in the giving mood.


  1. I don't think anyone is going to own up to getting those now. (also, it wasn't me).

  2. Haha! I was sharing with the hubby last night the sex magnets story and it went pretty much how your just wrote it! I said, "poor, Catherine totally got shafted!" I soooo want to know who it was too....come out, come out wherever you are!

  3. Replies
    1. It wasn't me! I brought the David's Tea.

  4. I GOT YOUR PYREX. And it's gorgeous. Pffffffffffffffffffffftht.

    Also, let's hope the sex magnet person misunderstood the ways of the gift giving game because it was sort of confusing if you hadn't participated before.....I mean, I could see where they might have gone wrong.

    And it wasn't me.

  5. I would actually probably use the sex magnets because it's funny and my kids can't read yet. That being said, I brought the scarf, chalk gift tags and scarf. It wasn't me. Not this year anyway.

  6. If you still want to access visual voicemail, your best bet is to download a third-party option. HulloMail – Android, iPhone. HulloMail is a solid third-party visual voicemail service with premium features for business subscribers. YouMail – Android, iPhone. InstaVoice – Android, iPhone