Saturday, August 31, 2013

premenstrual potato salad

So, the other night I went to a ladies only party for our church. Our church never ever partys and so when it does, gosh darnit, I will not miss it. I signed up to bring a salad and whilst perusing the grocery store trying to decide upon a salad that tickled my fancy I wondered why it was proving so difficult.

I have pms, I thought to myself. What I wanted was chocolate.

So I did the only logical thing. I googled Snickers salad. I had that once. And by george, I would have it again.

This is the ingredient list for said Snickers salad:
snickers bars
cool whip
cream cheese
marshmallow creme

Now, if this doesn't scream salad, I do not know what does. Naturally, it only costs $25 to make this salad. And if you ask me, this amount of money on one salad is never worth it. Unless you need to eat salad. And that salad has to have Snickers bars in it.

The apples negate the marshmallow creme. I read that somewhere.

Okay, so I go home and whip together this vision of health and happiness. A snickers for you, a snickers for me. And on and on we go.

While at the party we played a game called  See How Many Women You Can Cram At An Outdoor Table During A Wind Storm.

Since I have PMS, I was sweaty and therefore enjoyed the slight breeze through my burgundy mane.

Yes, my hair is burgundy.

There was a woman at the table, 2 people away from me, eating away. When all of a sudden she says, "This is the most delicious potato salad I have ever had."

I looked over to see her eating the salad I brought and a giggle escaped me.

"Umm, there are no potatoes in that salad."

She peered down at her food, "huh? Well what is it then?"

"Sugar. And a couple apples." I said.

"Well, no wonder it is so delicious!"

And that, my friends, is how you make potato salad for the premenstrual and most certainly the menopausal.

Her, not me. Or maybe me too. Who's to know? And really, who cares when you can eat Snickers bars in your salad...


  1. I MUST have this salad. Apples totally negate marshmallows by the way.

  2. The salad was delicious!!!

  3. Too funny. Sounds delicious!

  4. You have me very curious as to what this salad tastes like. I might have to try it one of these days.
    And that is the funniest thing.... potato salad. How could someone get confused like that?

  5. Hilarious. Thanks for the laugh!

  6. Just found your blog, quite by accident too. So glad I did, you are too funny. I'm years older than you, a grandmother and a non-blogger who just reads everybody else's. I live in Toronto. You know--the city with the sad alcoholic mayor who is tootling around Vancouver right now making a fool of himself (silly man). I wish you were my neighbour. We could sit up late at night when your family and the man are asleep (and you should be asleep too) and we could drink wine and talk and you could run your essays past me and I
    could critique them. I used to do that for my daughter in her university days. She got through her reading list by reading one chapter of a book and telling me about it and then I read the next chapter and told her about it and I really learned a lot! I am sorry you live with Gemma. I lived with Gemma's twin Dee Dee (dark despair, also know as depression). I eventually beat it though my blood pressure meds have a charming side effect--a mild but chronic level of Dee Dee--dee dee if you will. Don't ever be ashamed, just curse your genes or whatever and carry on doing what you need to do to stay as mentally stable as you can and be SO proud of yourself for doing that.