Thursday, April 4, 2013
i promise not to use the word 'vagina'
The quack in me loves the quacky things in life. Like acupuncture and Chinese herbs and essential oils. Are those quacky?
I guess it depends who you ask.
I recently came to own a little bottle of magic called Past Tense. It's a concoction of oils that you can roll onto your head when you have a headache.
This stuff is great, and this is actually a story I am telling, not an infomercial. Although I do think the stuff is great.
So anyway, the other day I had a doozy of a headache, I blame the weather change but this is not the point. My head was pounding. Throbbing. Hurting so much I was feeling the need to medicate with a bottle of Advil. But because I'm quacky I reached for the oily treasure first.
I rolled it onto my forehead. Then I rolled it along the back of my neck. Then...I rolled big round rolly rolls on my temples. It was like I was putting up wallpaper on the sides of my head. And then I sat down to do homework. My head bent forward.
The oil rolled into my left eye and before I knew it I was running around shrieking. My left eyeball was on fire. I had oil all over my hands from trying to control the situation. My makeup was waterfalling down my face. I went into the bathroom and wet a cloth and put it to my eye.
The pain subsided, eventually. I stared at my messed up face and red eye in the mirror and it was determined, by me, that I had to pee.
So, I sat to pee. I unwound some toilet paper, rolled it into a ball and rested my head into it.
I am wondering yet if you know where this is going.
When I was done doing what I was doing I took my face out of my hands. The face that had the oil on it. The hands that were holding the toilet paper.
And I stood.
And wiped myself...
P.S. Don't forget to enter my birthday giveaway in the last post!!!