Wednesday, March 6, 2013

and don't slam the door!

Is the slamming of things genetic? Or contagious, maybe? I am thinking it must be genetic because my daughter, who has requested to remain nameless, has inherited the nastiest case of slamming stuff I have ever seen.

When I was a kid I remember vividly, on many occasion, storming down the stairs to my room when I was displeased with the treatment of my soul by my dream crushing parents. Before I entered my room I would hear one of the soul crushers holler "And DON'T slam the door!"

To which I would respond with the best door slam my body could provide. I was nothing if not a reasonable child.

And then I grew up and married a man whom closes things loudly when he is displeased with the soul crushers in his life. He stomps and slams and it is the one sound I don't tolerate well.

Okay, fine, there are many sounds I don't tolerate well but the slamming?? It drives me.

Crazy. Bonkers. Around the bend.

So, now, in the spirit of I-can't-wait-until-you-grow-up-and-have-a-kid-just-like-you I have grown up and now have a kid just like me. And the man. Which is just all kinds of double awesome. I have this kid who when displeased with my ability to crush her soul will slam every door on her way away from me. And then to really stick it to me she'll slam the front door, which is pretty much right under my sleeping head, as she leaves the house at 6:20 in the morning.

A real peach, she is.

The other night I sweetly explained to her that I would be removing the doors if she didn't stop slamming them late at night or early in the morning. She not so sweetly said, "IF YOU TAKE OFF MY BEDROOM DOOR I'LL KILL MYSELF." Which I thought was a tad over dramatic but try telling her that.

She did not heed my warning and a few nights ago, when it was late and the house was quiet, she decided that once again her mother is the spawn of satan and . . .

KAPOW. Door. Slammed.

I really don't think that is the sound of a door slam but I like kapow. So kapow. Door. Slammed.

And then I removed my first door.

Since I cant really remove the front door, her bedroom door is next and interestingly enough I have not heard a door slam since but it's still too early to tell if it's coincidence or if she's buying it. Further testing is required.

Maybe I'll test it further tonight when once again I kill her dreams and crush her soul.

It's exhausting being a mom.


  1. You are awesome. Period.

  2. I agree. You're awesome and my hero.

  3. I have a feeling I'm going to be dealing with this in a few years. I was a door-slammer too. I might be coming to you for some advice when Eliza gets to this age!

  4. My daughter started with the door slamming over a year ago. Her bedroom door came off and stayed off for a month. Problem solved. I have no doubt your daughter's slamming days are coming to an end.
    Unfortunately, these volatile daughters are so good at coming up with other, similarly irritating ways of letting us know they are displeased with us.
    Good luck!

  5. My Bowen is a door slammer - and he's only 7, I'm in trouble!!

  6. Love it! You soul crusher, you.

  7. Use the door as a new headboard! Then post it all on pinterest.