Friday, February 8, 2013

candy crush saga

Once upon a time there was a girl named Erin. Erin posted on Facebook that "candy crush saga is crushing my soul, I'm so addicted."

Addicted to a video game? That is absurd. Who gets so into a silly game that they feel they need to confess said addiction on Facebook? Come on, now. It's ridiculous.

We will not discuss the torrid relationship I may have had with Plants vs. Zombies. That's none of your business.

Immediately I looked up Candy Crush Saga in the app store. I mean, I may have stumbled across it.


It was free. I'm all about the free. So I downloaded it. And then I ignored it because really, as if I need one more thing to be addicted to.

Until last night. Last night I had a killer stomach ache. I was restless and ill and frustrated. I opened the app and figured out the stupid game and then played. And played. And played and played and played.

And then I died. And died. And died and died and died. The game told me I had to wait many many minutes to play again. Um, I don't think so. So I deleted the app and reinstalled it and played and played and played.

And then my phone died.

When I went to sleep last night I saw candies being crushed behind my eyelids. They were moving into place to make rows, to reach goals, to move on to the next levels.

I craved sugar until I passed out.

This morning I had an appointment with my English professor to discuss my confusion regarding the paper due next week. He uses big words. When he talks I have to concentrate real hard-like because it's jagged, not fluent, disconnected and disjointed. He has ADHD speech. Lots to say. It's all over the place and after a couple of sentences I have to give my head a shake.

"Just spit it out, man!" I want to say. I get so exhausted in class after 75 minutes of trying to follow his speedy thoughts.

This morning, as he spoke his big, fancy, university type words, I stared at his face. I was losing myself. I couldn't hear what he was saying. I wanted to shake my head but he would surely notice that, he was looking right at me.

"Focus." I repeated in my mind. "You have to concentrate." I begged myself. "Do you not want to do well on this paper?" I tried to bring myself back into the moment. "What is the matter with you?"


But all I think, all I could see, was that if I could just move his big fancy, sprinkled candy nose between his candy eyes I could crush that candy!


  1. LOL. I am so not even going to attempt to learn this game!

  2. I made it on the blog. I can die now.

  3. That silly game sucked me in. I was sick over the Christmas break and my only joy was crushing those candies till I won!! It was all I could think about...I have a sad life.

  4. Too funny. The part about his candy nose is cracking me up. And I will NOT start this game.

  5. This reminds me of my teenage Dr. Mario days. My best friend & I played it so much we got to the point where we were stacking imaginary colored pills on top of everything we looked at, especially the shoulders & heads of our parents as they lectured, "Blah, blah, blah..."

  6. I downloaded this app last night, thanks to you. Sweet jesus I am never going to be productive ever again.