Thursday, October 27, 2011

the hot yogi and a giveaway!!

Well, I did it. It is done. 30 hot yoga classes in 30 days. Actually, since I didn't go Sundays and there was one Saturday I couldn't go, I did 30 classes in 25 days. That's right, you heard me.

I did that.

Can you even believe it?

Nor can I. Seriously I can't. After the first week I thought for sure I would melt up and turn into some kind of bendy gelatinous goo. Like gumby. But all melted-like.

Then week two came and I began to feel the love. For the hot yoga and pretty much not for anything else in my life. The timing of this challenge was serendipitous. I needed it.

Week three was more of the same but I could do poses deeper and harder and longer. I was able to move it to the next level and then some. Just try, they would say. And I tried. My hands didn't hurt so much, at all actually. And my feet were not angry anymore in warrior pose. I started to think yoga was the way, the truth and the light.

Sort of.

There is one instructor who is the epitome of ultra zen yoga teacher and he said all the time "Breathe. Be happy. Do yogaaaaaaa."

He cracks me up.

Anyway, week four and I was worn out. Every single day (except Sunday) and sometimes twice a day I am there, sweating profusely, bending my body, breathing, quiet in my mind, amazed at others and sometimes even at myself.

But I was tired. I wanted a break. But.....no breaks for the wicked. I mean committed. I pushed through and finished it up.

I thought I would do a pros and cons list for you and answer some FAQ's.......if you are interested to know my thoughts on such things.

The pros of hot yoga:

1. It's a tough and intense workout. In all honesty, and I mean this to the very core of my being, hot yoga was the hardest (next to carrying four babies in my belly) thing I have ever done. Exhaustion. I'm sure that was the 30 day challenge but man, oh man........

2. Strength. I have never ever ever felt so strong and put together in my entire life. It amazed me how after one week I felt stronger than I ever have after a week of anything. And strong everywhere. I could feel every muscle in my body working and changing and loving it. I never worried about going too far or injuring myself. Even my hands are strong now. I'm not so clumsy anymore. Good news, says the man.

3. It was somewhat spiritual. It's so peaceful. Despite the 3 litres of sweat that pours out, in that quiet darkened room, breathing so strong, so powerfully, I felt in tune and connected. To what? Well I think that is a separate and personal thing. But I felt like I was doing something deep and meaningful for me. There is no music blaring. No tv's mounted on the wall to help distract you from the pain. In fact, there was no way you could be distracted. Focus was easy to attain, hard to avoid. Wandering minds were a thing of the past. I was there, in that moment. Breathing deep. The stresses of the world melted away, literally. This surprised me the most. And it was this that I came to rely on the most. I needed this focus and break from the stress of life.

4. Appreciation that everyone is different. Many people have said to me over this past month things like: "I could never do yoga in a room with experts." And "I just couldn't do that in front of other people." This is so not the case. Everyone is different and it is so obvious when you are there. I never once felt like I was trying to keep up or that I stood out in anyway. You just do your best and if you need a break you take a break. If you need water you drink water. This attitude of taking care of your body, listening to it, not going too far or too hard, appeals to me like no other. I never left feeling like I didn't work hard enough. I never felt like a let down. Brand new experience, for me.

5. Gentle progression. There was one point, while I was trying to do a pose that I found painfully uncomfortable, when the instructor came over and gently told me I wasn't ready for what I was trying to do and that I needed to back up a step and stay there until my body told me it was all right to move forward. I thought this was ridiculous. I needed to push through. No pain, no gain, right? I decided to listen to her, to really test out the theories behind yoga. Go at my body's pace and not my mind's. She was right, as the month progressed I could see daily the changes my body was allowing. During the last week I did that particular pose and my body allowed it. The progression is steady and gentle and I love the idea that we let our bodies tell us what is okay instead of us taking our bodies to the gym and telling them they have to do things that hurt. That they aren't earning anything until they have felt pain.

Whoever came up with the saying 'no pain, no gain' is NOT a yogi.

Cons to hot yoga:

None. There is none. And that is the gosh honest truth.

Okay, maybe the price but that's it.

Seriously, it was an amazing experience. One that I would do over and over and over if the funds allowed. Maybe after November's goal I can think about it but November's goal is nutso and I think I'll be supremo busy!

Two FAQ's that I have been asked over and over this month are:
1. Did you like it?

YES, I loved it. More than I can say. This would be my new form of exercise if I could justify the expense at this time in my life. When my dumb house sells and I get my life back I will definitely be taking it back up. Or, at least, that's what I want right now, 30 minutes after my last class.

2. Did you notice any difference?

I'm not really sure what this question means or what the askers are asking. Did I notice a difference in my weight? No. But I ate like there was no tomorrow all month. Am I more flexible. Hells YES! Sorry for the language but seriously, I can bend in ways that I never knew were possible. Do I feel better? Absolutely. I feel calmer and more relaxed. I know how to breathe to calm myself in any moment. And there have been many moments this past month where I wanted to cry/scream/bang my head due to the not feeling calm. I feel as though yoga is a good thing. You know, like eat your vegetables and drink your water kind of good.

One night, I was standing outside the hot room waiting for a class to open up I heard two ladies talking behind me. This was their brief conversation:

"Isn't this a nice studio?"

"Yes, it's the nicest in the city. I've been everywhere and I like this one the best."

Are you wondering where I was?

It is called Breathe Hot Yoga and it is in Avenida Village just off Macleod Trail in SE Calgary. 321, 12445 Lake Fraser Drive SE.

AND........... here comes the giveaway part.........
the owner of this fantastic studio has kindly offered to donate a 5 class pass to a lucky reader of my blog. That's an $80 value!

So here's what you do:

leave a comment if you want it for you or to give to someone you know (stocking stuffer, maybe?) Then if you refer anyone to my blog for the purpose to win the prize or even to read my awesome blog and they leave a comment and ALSO says who referred them and they will get an entry and I will enter your name again. If you do this 1 million times, you will have one million entries. I will keep this open for one week and make the draw Monday November 7th.

Capiche?

It's a beautiful studio, clean and calming and hot hot hot!

But that chilly lemongrass cloth they give you at the end of every class to put on your eyes and forehead? I would knock little old ladies down to be the first to get one of those.

And so should you.

October was a great month. It flew by. It was awesome to challenge my body in a way I never have before. I loved it. I really did.

Breathe. Be happy. Do yoga.

Namaste.

P.S. Come back tomorrow if you want to know what insanity November brings. It is insane. Seriously.

Crazy.

Another p.s..... I was not compensated in any way to gush about Breathe Hot yoga. All thoughts are my own.

And also....sorry, I know this is dragging on....please go vote for me. I am getting pwned over there.

Circle of Moms Top 25 Canadian Mom Blogs .

how come all the good crap never happens to me?



I've been pretty quiet this past week and in the interest of saving you having to endure my whiny-ness, due to the fact that I am having a hard time seeing that silver lining I hear so much about, I thought I would just lay low for a bit.

However, today I was out and about and when I got home I checked facebook and low and behold, there were two of my regular blogs that I read asking people to vote for them to be ........ something??......and win something???

I don't know what it was for but in my wee pity party, that I was throwing all by my lonesome, I was all "How come I never get nominated for stuff?" And "I know I'm a tiny blog but I have feelings too." And "Man, this is just like high school, everyone hates me, nobody likes me and I think I'll go.......spray paint the wall outside auto shop."

What?

Enter the 'check email' portion of my commiserating and BOOM, there it was, my very own, personal, shiny nomination.

So if you would be so kind...........

VOTE FOR ME AND NOT ANY OF THOSE OTHER PUNK NOMINEES! Sorry, blogging friends whom I actually do love dearly, but I won't be voting for you. I'll be voting for me.

Is that allowed?

You can vote once a day until November 17th.

Do it....I know you want to. Every single day.

I'll be your best friend.

Actually, this is true. I will be your best friend. All those others bloggers will lie to you and tell you they love you and give you things. But it's all empty promises.

I am dead freaking serious. Okay.... no I'm not.

I promise not to stalk you which may result in want for restraining orders and other such sundry inclinations.

Here's where you click the link and make all my dreams come true: Circle of Moms Top 25 Canadian Mom Blogs

So, I thank you in advance and the cheque is on its way.

Woops, was that my outside voice?

Monday, October 24, 2011

the sunday afternoon nap

I do not understand the Sunday afternoon nap. Maybe it's just me, I don't know. It is a blessing and a curse. At least, this is my experience with it.

It all started Saturday evening. Actually it started about 14 years ago but I'm sure there were times between then and now that I wasn't actually tired.

Saturday afternoon I was tired though. Really tired. And premenstrual which was not helping the situation. Saturday was a busy day. I took the kids to a movie at 9 am. It was fun but it was the beginning of a long tiring day.

We had a showing. Annoying.

Then..... hot yoga. I dozed off at 3. That's pretty tired and you know how I know that's pretty tired? Because I was lying face down with cork blocks under my shoulders and I still managed to doze off.

The instructor said "put your blocks like this, lie face down and relax."

Me, in my head, "um, no. That looks horrible and there is no way I am lying face down with cork under my shoulders. That would hurt. This is ridiculous."

I think she read my mind. "Just try," she said right into my eyes.

I tried.

Zzzzzzzz.............

Who knows how long later she opened her mouth and gently coaxed us back to reality, "start putting life back into your fingers and toes."

"No," I whispered into the floor. "I want to die here, just like this. In a hot room that smells like lemon grass."

Anyway, naturally, at some point, they kicked me out.

Push forward to Saturday night. PMS is raging. I sent the man a text in the afternoon that read "I HAVE PEEEEEEEEE EMMMMMMMM SSSSSSSSSSS"

This was code for "COME HOME NOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWW"

He doesn't speak this delicate code so he missed the point entirely. I don't understand this. We've been married for 16 years. How is it he doesn't speak the code yet?

Hold up!!!! He speaks the code, doesn't he? He just claims ignorance!!! I get it now. Oh, he is so dead when he gets home.

When he did finally get home on Saturday I ordered that gourmet pizza be placed in front of me real quick-like. He obliged. He is a good man regardless of his ability to feign ignorance to my oh so subtle mind games.

This is where the real party started. I ate too much. My 14 year old daughter went to her first dance. I fell asleep on the couch for 2 hours. She came home at 11:45. I went to bed but slept like garbage.

All right, this now brings us to the Sunday afternoon nap. Did you ever think we would get here?

Me neither.

3 hours of church wipes me out EVERY SINGLE SUNDAY. It always has and I have sneaking suspicions it always will. Plus......do I need to say it? I was premenstrual. There, I said it. This means that after lunch my family kindly invited me to take a time out ALONE in my room so as to not terrorize them anymore.

I obliged. I'm nice like that.

I'm reading a book right now that has created in me a very bizarre reaction. I don't mind the book. In fact, I'm quite enjoying it. But from the outside looking in one would think it bores me to distraction. I can read 10 pages at a time and then I must sleep.

So I read 10 pages and then I slept.

The Sunday afternoon nap.

Wonderful, warm, cozy. It comforted me like no other could. It was needed but it was also the cause of all sleep destruction.

Many hours after I woke, making it perfectly clear to everyone that I wanted to watch tv, I waited for the man to finish his game. Once the baseball game was finally over, and I say finally because I swear that game was 14 hours long, the man relinquished control of the remote and I watched Sister Wives in bafflement and then Urban Suburban in boredom. It was 11pm. I knew I was not falling asleep unaided so I popped a little blue doozey and waited until it decided to take me away. In the mean time I read my book. 10 pages.

Out.

Awake.

Out.

Awake.

Out.

Awake. Awake. Awake. Awake.........

Blast that stupid Sunday afternoon nap. Why do you do this to me?

The moral of this story, or morals, because there are many:

-more tv's with cable might be needed in this house.
-the man speaks pms, he just pretends he doesn't.
-14 is too young to dance with boys.
-Sunday afternoon naps will wreck a person, medicated or otherwise.
-PMS provides endless amounts of entertainment/torture for me.....and for you.

Friday, October 21, 2011

and so goes the cycle

I'm having one of those weeks where the good and the bad are balancing out and it's confusing unto me. I am discombobulated.

For example, I came home the other day to three diarrhea inducing phone messages but then there were three excited jittery nerves felt in the stomach emails.

Things to dread. Things to be excited for. I guess the good news is that they both leave my stomach in knots and the end result is the same for me, physically.

How is a sick stomach good news? Hmmmm, good question. Just go with it.

On my birthday I was angry with my iPhone for freezing up on me and being a punk and I smacked it. This might be the worst segue in the history of bad segues and I am wondering what the first three sentences of this post have to do with anything.

I simply do not know. Carry on. Back to smacking the phone.

Why would you smack the phone? You are wondering, I know you are. Why would anyone smack an inanimate object? It's not like the iPhone cares to be disciplined. It's not like anything was learned from that experience. Well I learned one thing about jade bracelets but nothing I couldn't have guessed with relatively reasonable accuracy.

However, in that moment, frustrated and needing to feel the strength of my own feminine "nothing gets in the way of me and what I want" power, I wanted to punch something.

So I did.

Except........my jade bracelet got in the way and shattered the screen. On my birthday.

Shame. Head hanging heavy.

Everyone looked at me like "what have you done?" and "how can you be so cruel?" and "it's just a poor defenseless iPhone."

Shame.

It still worked though so happy birthday to me.

So, I used it and caressed it and made it feel loved.

I may need to tend a naughty parenting class.

However, this poor battered and shattered screen invoked in the man a need.

A yearning.

A desire that would not be resisted.

The longing to take something apart.

He started researching how to fix screens. How to dismantle the delicacy that is known as appleware.

He came home 2 days ago with a brand new screen and said this: "It's looks so easy on the internet. Shouldn't take but 5 minutes."

It was 9:30 at night.

My gut, which is pretty bang on when it comes to instincts related to my husband, said two things to me.

1. not tonight. 5 minutes is code for 2 hours. Tell him to do it tomorrow.

and

2. say good bye to your beloved. Kiss him farewell for the end is nigh.

I gave my phone a kiss and said "am I kissing my baby good bye?" To which the man replied, "don't be so dramatic."

I waited up for him since I thought it might be rude to go to bed whilst he was performing such delicate surgery on something I consider to be sort of child-like unto me. At one point he dropped a miniscule screw on the floor and dared to look for it.

"You'll never find it," I said encouragingly.

"You have to think positively," he responded.

"I was......."

Anyway, when all is said and done, the new screen on my phone is beautiful, no question. It's smooth and shatter free and my eyes thank him.

The fact that the home button only works when it chooses is only mildly annoying. Which is code for "I want to punch something. Maybe an iPhone?"

Last night I saw him scavenging kijiji looking for old iPhones with broken screens that someone may want to sell him.

Need.

Yearning.

Desire.

Longing.


And so goes the cycle.

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

i believe

Lately there has been some controversy in the world about Christianity and who is allowed to claim the right to declare themselves a Christian. With Mitt Romney running for President of the good ol' US of A I think the age old controversy is continually sparked. Some people claim he's part of a cult and some people accuse him of not being a Christian.

He is LDS.

I am LDS.

I'm not going to lie. My feelings are a bit bruised.

Despite feeling defensive and all hurt-like I have decided that what I believe is not something I should ever hide behind. Not that I have, mind you. You can ask me anything. I will tell you what I believe. But I haven't openly and willingly spewed it here into the inter-webs to be ingested by you. I have also decided that today I am going to do just that.

Here is what I believe..........

I believe in God, the Eternal Father and in His son Jesus Christ and in the Holy Ghost.

I believe that Joseph Smith was a prophet of God. I believe he restored the gospel to the earth in these latter days.

I believe in men who would give their lives for what they know to be true. I believe I would do the same.

I believe that we have a living prophet today and his name is Thomas S. Monson. I know he speaks the word of God.

I believe that my Heavenly Father loves me and that he hears and answers my prayers. I believe I am his sacred daughter.

I believe that my family will be together forever, as long as we have earned it in this life.

I believe the Bible to be the word of God, as far as it is translated correctly. I also believe the Book of Mormon to be the word of God.

I believe Jesus Christ died for me, atoning for my sins so that I might be saved by obedience to the laws and ordinances of the gospel. I believe that He was chosen to be the Saviour of this world and I know He accepted this tremendous hardship because He loves me.

I believe in and claim the privilege of worshipping the Almighty God according to the dictates of my own conscience, and I allow everyone else that same privilege. Please...... worship how, where or what you may.

I am a Latter Day Saint. A Mormon.

I am a Christian.

And this is what I believe.

I'd be more than happy to share what I have and treasure with you. If you want to know more email me privately and I'll send you a copy of my favourite book at no charge to you.

cddabels@telus.net

Saturday, October 15, 2011

all things skinny

Here's a random catch up, of sorts:

First of all, I am 15 classes into my 30 hot yoga classes in 30 days challenge. Seeing as how it is the 15th, I think I'm a rock star. Zip it if you feel otherwise. No one asked you. I will save my feelings and thoughts on hot yoga for the 31st of this month.

Can she do it?? Only 16 more days will tell.

Second of all, I need ideas for my November goal. I am running thin in the creativity department so I am taking suggestions. If you don't help me then I may have to let my kids, or even worse, the man determine what it is and you don't want that for me.

Trust me, you don't.

What are your thoughts, pray tell?


Third of all, if you live in Calgary or very close to it and you have blood inside your body, and unless you are a secret vampire then I know you do, I need you to do something very important for me. I need you to go here and read this and then come back.

Well, go on. I'll wait for you.

Okay, now. I need you to email me and tell me that you are willing to share your precious blood with three people who may die without it. Is this dramatic enough for you?

Seriously though, I'm not joking around here, people may die. And you can help.

After you get over your anger that I have successfully and diabolically guilted you into doing something you aren't all that comfortable in doing I need you to email me at cddabels@telus.net and tell me that you would love to help, or be a part of, and I will tell you what you need to do next.

I'm asking nicely. Can you see me batting my long luscious lashes at you?

Pretty please?? Think about it. Please. November 4th. You and me.

It's altruism and a plain ol' good time wrapped up all pretty-like with a bow.



Wednesday, October 12, 2011

am i right? or am i right?

So I'm starting a new segment on my blog called 'Am I right? Or am I right?" Today is the kick off. It will involve a disagreement of sorts between me and the man or me and someone else or the man and someone else or you and me or you and someone else or you and the man or..............I think you see my point.

I'll tell you who the disagree-ers are and what the disagreement is about without revealing who is on what side.

Capiche?

Then you weigh in and tell me who's right. Then I can prove to the man, once and for all, that I am always right. I mean....... we can settle it fair and square.

Here it goes.

Disagree-ers: me and the man

Disagreement: flossing

One of us thinks that it's okay to floss anywhere and everywhere. The other one thinks flossing is akin to toileting and should only be done in the comfort of your bathroom, by yourself.

One of us thinks it's okay to carry around one of these.....



.....everywhere we go and pull it out as we drive. The other one of us thinks it's disgusting and can't believe the rude brazenness of the other.

One of us thinks it's okay to leave it lying in the cup holder when we're done with it to keep it safe for later use. Or on the counter. Or the kitchen table. Or the bathroom counter. Or the.........need I go on?

The other one thinks it is just plain bad manners to leave such a thing lying around. Again, akin to toileting. One wouldn't leave their used toilet paper lying around would they?

So. Here is where you come in. In the comments below or on my facebook page tell me who is right here? If it isn't me then I will bake up a big ol' humble pie and eat it for dinner but I suspect.........

Anyway, what are your thoughts? Do tell.

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

the fortune teller

A few weeks ago the man asked me what I wanted for my birthday dinner. I thought about it for days because heaven forbid I should screw it up. I would have to wait another 364 days to try again. 364 days is far too much waiting.

I decided I wanted Chinese food. It's been forever since I had that greatness. I also decided that I would take the children with us because I'm pretty sure I've never been nice enough to include them in my birthday dinner before. Naturally they were thrilled when I told them. And even more doubly naturally they were ecstatic when I told them it was going to be a buffet.

Buuuuuffffeetttt...........................

When you have two boys who think food is air, buffet's seem, naturally, the way to go.

It was fun, and yummy and as it turns out the best decision I have ever made.

You see, all of my stress and worry is gone from my life now. I went out for Chinese food. Buffet, no less. And now everything is coming up Catie. I feel no more stress or anxiety. All my fears of living in a van down by the river have vanished. The wait is over.

Buying this house, renovating it, going temporarily broke until it sells, having it take 8+ months to sell, have all led me to this place where stress is dessert and sleeplessness is my best friend. And the waiting.....oh mercy, the waiting has taught me all kinds of delicious patience and long suffering.

But it's over. You know how I know?

The fortunes told me so. 6 fortunes and my life will never be the same.

Fortune 1: Be patient. Good things come to those who wait.

I always heard this but now I know it's true.

Fortune 2: Your financial situation will soon be improving.

Well, it's about bloody time.

Fortune 3: New financial resources will soon be available to you.

Two financial fortunes? Can you believe my luck? I can't wait to get the call that a long lost relative has died and left me millions. Wait a minute........ maybe all those spam emails I get about dying people wanting to give me money are not spam after all.

Fortune 4: You will soon be crossing warm waters for a fun vacation.

Honestly, I don't care how warm the waters are. I'm not picky.

Fortune 5: You will make many changes before settling satisfactorily.

Ummmm........ settling?? Satisfactorily? As long as it's with my millions I guess I'm okay with settling. Satisfactorily.

Fortune 6, the best of all. Wait for it...........

Wait for it.........

You will bring sunshine into someone's life.

Well, I'll be. Little ol' me? Being all sunshine-like? Whoever woulda thunk it?

Miracles really can happen.

Friday, October 7, 2011

the 1st annual dabels' pop chugging competition

My maiden name is Siakaluk. The Siakaluk's like their pop. And they sure know how to drink it. With ice, naturally. In order to determine which of my children received this unusually unique gene I needed to watch them drink pop. Real quick-like. The results are outstanding. And disappointing. Next time I will have to show them how it's done.

Amelia though, she never disappoints.......

video

Thursday, October 6, 2011

i'm not that pinterested, actually.

In a moment of total humility, I would like to publicly apologize for signing up for pinterest and then doing absolutely nothing with it. Everyday I get emails saying someone new is following me and I think to myself, "oh you poor person. You will be so bored with my pinterest-ing."

See, I applied to join. I'd heard all the fuss. I heard the addiction level was high. I heard that it was another paving stone on the road to time suckage. Since I feel as though I have pioneered the way for all to wander down this scenic avenue I thought I'd check it out. Join the masses, youknowwhatimean?

Then........ they made me wait. They said they would send me an invite when they had time.

Pashaw....whatever pinterest. Invite? Trust me, I wasn't that excited about it to begin with. And then you have the nerve to make me wait?

I don't wait well.

It was a whole entire day before I got the 'invite'. A whole entire day.

Next up, the "let's get you started" email. It said "drag the 'pin' button into your bookmark bar and then you can pin your life away". It seemed easy enough. Click and drag. I can do that.

Click and drag. Even a total moron could do that. And I am definitely NOT one of those.

But then......the 'pin' button wouldn't drag.

I tried and tried and like a total moron tried some more. It wouldn't drag.

This has been the extent of my pinterest-ing. I gave up. Right then and there I declared that if it wasn't going to drag for me then I wasn't going to pin. Anything.

Take that pinterest.

There, I showed them.

I think I have mentioned before that my attention span lacks........attention? It's pretty short. I can do anything for very short spurts of time. If it frustrates me then I'm out.

Just like that. I am out.

So, until that little 'pin' button decides it's going to do what the makers of it declare it's capable of doing I'm afraid pinterest and I will not be cavorting much.

Or...... until I miraculously develop an attention span that might take me one step further than the click and drag step.

Whichever comes first. One does seem slightly more likely than the other, no?

To the rest of you who have been sucked into the unrelenting vortex that is pinterest......pin away people.

Pin away.

As for me and my 'pin' button? We are here. It's a stand off.

Bring it.

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

the inner monologue of a hot yoga virgin

A hot yoga virgin walks into a room. 'Hot' as in the yoga will done somewhere hot. Not 'hot' as in the virgin was hot. Good looking hot, I mean. Because heat hot she certainly was.

Wait....what?

Never mind.

As she works through her first class, this is what's going through her mind. It's a 90 minute class. And the girl was a virgin. A yoga virgin. Well, sort of.

.......wow, it's hot in here.

......why is everyone breathing like that? Oh, breathing is a big part of yoga. Right, I knew that.

.....how long are we going to sit like this and breathe?

.....everything is so slow here. Don't they know my attention span borders on that of a 4 year old with ADD?

...breathe? I AM BREATHING.

.....breathe slow and steady? Find yourself? I'M RIGHT HERE. Okay, I get it. This is supposed to be all zen and stuff. Super earthy and I need to throw myself out there into the universe and smile without smiling and open myself up and let myself go and leave everything behind that isn't serving me and all that jazz.

.....I'm glad they aren't playing jazz over the speakers. I hate jazz. That would not be relaxing at all.

......man, it is so hot in here. I am sweating like a maniac.

....the lighting in here is sweet. I like it a lot. I think my eyes are supposed to be closed.

......what? wrap my arms how? Right over left, twist, join fingers. Leg up and over and hook and huh?? Twist my insides like a wet rag? That sounds hard, not gentle and yoga-like.

....um, no way. How about just right over left? Okay, she hasn't kicked me out yet.

.....wow, my balance sucks.

......oh mercy, it's soooooo hot in here.

...... Vinyasa. Vinyasa? Am I supposed to know what that means? She talks so fast. Slow down lady.

......plank. Oh, that's hard. Lower plank? Oh, that's even harder. Upward facing dog, easy peasey. Downward facing dog. Hey, I've done this before.

.....my wrists are killing me.

.....they are still killing me.

......still. killing. me.

......do it all again? 5 more times? I'm gonna die. Inhale plank. Exhale lower plank. Inhale upward facing dog. Exhale downward facing dog. Again????

.....noooooooooooooooooooo

......I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die.

....holy mother of heat! Why is it so blazing hot in here?!?!

.....good thing the girl next to me appears to be a yoga master. I can't understand anything the instructor is saying.

....how do these people bend like that?

....reach where? Touch what? Hold? Owwwwwwww

.........this has to be almost done. I can't take much more. I wonder how long before I squeal like a stuck pig.

.......what's with the guy in the corner? He hasn't left corpse pose in like half an hour. Maybe we are supposed to go into that pose right before we die. Someone should check him for a pulse.

.......I don't wanna die.

........oh no, not that thing again. Yep, Vinyasa. She hates me.

.......the heat. This room. It's so hot in here. I'm soaked in sweat. Sweat just dripped off my ankle. That's never happened before. My shirt weighs 4 pounds more than it did when I got here.

.......lie down? Corpse pose? Does this mean we die now?

......be still. Close my eyes. Restore. I can do this.

......someone just put a cool lemongrass cloth in my hand. I put it on my eyes and forehead. This is the best sensation I have ever had. I am thankful to have it right before I die.

........breathe. Rest. Sweat.

......roll over. Open eyes. I am not dead. This means only one thing.

I have to come back tomorrow.

Namaste.