Thursday, March 31, 2011

torture tests

(Amelia staring at the fish in the Bass store)

Spring Break is flying by. Although there are moments that are confusing me. I have tried to plan something sort of fun for the kids everyday. Monday they chose "sit around and play video games or watch tv and do nothing" day. I said okay but first let's go to the library. They said fine but they weren't reading anything this week so what was the point?

Hmmm....... no library. They had a fun, relaxing day and I didn't have to get out of my jammies so I guess it was a win-win.

Tuesday. This is where things get confusing. I took them swimming to a wicked fun huge wave pool. Swimming is hard for me on so many levels. One, I hate wearing a swimsuit. Not so much that I will refuse to go but just enough to dread it.

Two, I have to stay with Amelia every second and I can't sit in the hot tub for three glorious hours. It is exhausting when the wee child has the attention span of a gnat. She LOVES to swim, more than anything in the universe. This is how the afternoon went:

I want to go in the waves now.


I want to go on the red slide now.


I want to go on the green slide now.


I want to go in the kiddie pool now.


I want to go back in the waves now.


I want to go in the hot tub now.


I want to go on the splash park and run everywhere as fast as I can even though you told me I wasn't allowed to run or I may get hurt at least 100 times but I'm choosing to ignore your good advice because I have so much to do and so very, apparently, little time to do it in.

Um, ok.

Every activity lasted 2 minutes and 13 seconds. Three hours at the pool felt like 30 and I was so wasted when I got home. She is super cute at the pool though and someone told me once that that's what it's all about.


Now, I know that didn't seem confusing but I'm getting there. On the agenda for Wednesday was the mall. Not just any mall. The Balzac mall. Dun dun dun.

My kids love the Balzac mall, or so they think. It's a great mall, I won't begrudge them that. What my kids don't know is that they actually hate the mall. And I hate shopping, I avoid it at every cost. They want to spend all their money just because they have some and I refuse them their every desire.

"No, you can't have that because the price is outrageous and you are only 11 and I have to protect you from the evils of commercialism".

"It's too short."

"It's too tight."

"It's too grown up"

"It's too........I don't know....... It's just too, all right, now put it back."

"I know it's your money but I said no and that's that."

"Hey let's go in here" (a grown up store that caters to women. They all groan simultaneously). Apparently they aren't here to shop for me. Who knew?

Three hours at the mall flies by. Before we know it we are exhausted, spent, broke, crabby, picking on each other, begging for treats and ready to go home. But for some reason, every break from school they get they want to go back. Huh?

Swimming = fun = slow motion

Shopping = torture = mach time speed

See my confusion? I simply don't understand it. They both hold the same level of torture for me. And it's always the same. Except at the beach. I can spend all day every day at the beach and never once feel as though it's a torture test.

Oh well, what can you do? On the whole, spring break is flying. I wish it would slow down. I love the laying in my bed and reading until 10 part.

Tomorrow I go off facebook for a month. I want to develop some other skills and hobbies since I feel as though I have mastered the art of facebook. Minus the games, I have never once played a facebook game and I'm proud of it.

I may take up blogging three times a day.

Just kidding.

Stay tuned for the low down on vegetarian month. What a great month, but.........

tomorrow I eat meat!

Monday, March 28, 2011


To my boys........

....this is awesome.

If I let them go outside and play with the icicles then I would be awesome.

But I do declare, head wounds are not awesome.

They have been distracted with nerf guns, which is awesome.

I am reading a really fun book and that is awesome.

So far, besides the absolutely crappy weather, Spring Break is proving to be awesome.

It's only Monday. We'll see how long it lasts.

Saturday, March 26, 2011

the skinny and the brain deadness

The skinny this week is not so great. If you read my last post you know that I'm on holiday somewhere unpleasant and I am feeling less than awesome. My happy pills have kicked in so I feel less violent and I'm sleeping again but my energy is nada.

I am surviving and right now that doesn't include a lot of exercise. I did 26 miles in two workouts.

The thing I hate most about PMS is that I just stop caring. I just don't care that I'm not doing the things I should be doing. Normally it's the caring that drives me but since I have no caring I have no drive.

Make sense?

I promise not to talk about my PMS anymore. At least not for an entire month.

It doesn't help that I ran out of Bones to watch while I workout. How can I go on?

I am announcing April's goal right now. Ready for it? Hold on tight.......... here we go.........


I am giving up Facebook for an entire month. I expect to feel very left out and isolated but it's okay. I may actually accomplish some stuff. Like laundry. And painting closets. And reading more. And less brain deadness.

I am strangely looking forward to it. 5 more sleeps.

Here is a yummy recipe we tried this week. Everyone liked it and that is saying a lot around here. My friend Lonnie turned me on to it. I didn't bother to find the sweet chili sauce they talk about and instead used the sweet Thai chili sauce I have from Costco. My only complaint in doing this was that I, personally, found the dish to be bland. I added some Frank's Red Hot With Lime to mine and then it was really good.


Friday, March 25, 2011

the randomness of PMS-tropolis

So I've been on a little holiday. It was decided for me, against my will, that I would take a quick trip to PMS-tropolis. It's ugly here. Grey skies, cold chill in the air, stupid people. Apparently in PMS-tropolis you aren't allowed to sleep much and when you do you are required to have stress and anxiety as your bedfellows. I hate stress and anxiety in my bed, they hog the sheets and jam their knees in my back while I slumber.

The man and I have recently discovered the comicality of The Big Bang Theory. It is hysterical. It's buffoonery makes me laugh out loud, which is highly unusual for me. I have the unique capability to watch the funniest of funny movies and never so much as crack a smile and then claim at the end that it was, indeed, the funniest of funny movies. It's a gift really.

The Big Bang Theory makes me giggle. But what makes me laugh is listening to the man guffaw, or chortle, or twitter with glee every 24.7 seconds at this super geeky yet highly entertaining show.

On this most recent trip to PMS-tropolis I decided to have a little get together. A small gathering of friends. The man and myself and The Big Bang Theory on box set. But something went horribly awry. Instead of all the delicate and cute giggling I normally do, I wanted to jump through the screen, grab Sheldon by the throat and make him beg for mercy for being so completely and absolutely exasperating.

I sat, crammed in my wedge on the sectional, my little cocoon of couch comfort, dividing my attention between watching this ridiculous character be so hugely irritating and my husband who could barely get a grip on himself due to all the laughing.... and guffawing.

I picked up my cell and played solitaire. As soon as the episode was done I stood and declared "I'm out! Why hasn't someone killed that annoying little man yet?"

The man looked at me and said "you're out? But we only watched two."

To which I responded "yes, well it's either him or me buddy. Take your pick. I can't stand one second more."

To which he thought really hard "why are you so horrible? And did you happen to pick up your happy pills this month?"

To which I said out loud, in response to his thought, which I just so happened to be able to read on his face "I ran out of happy pills and before I can go get more I better not be left alone in the room with Sheldon Cooper." Exit me.

There are birds trying to peck a hole in my house outside of where I sleep. Tiny little birds. Tiny little determined birds. Tiny little determined stupid birds that have clearly learned nothing over the past year. Remember the great bird massacre, you stupid little tiny determined birds with no ability to choose right from wrong? Remember what the man did to your kind? Keep at 'er, my nasty tiny little determined stupid friends and I'm sure he'll be happy to make a sequel to one of the most troubling days of my life.

I despise birds and their miniscule pecking beaks that cause wreckage and ruin.

Jack, who is 11, came to me the other day and said "I want a million dollars." (Who needs a segue? Pfft.....)

I said or sang "If I had million dollars I would take you on a trip." Stop singing and speaking now, "where would you want to go?"

Him: "Hoboken."

Me: "Hoboken? As in New York? Huh?"

Him: "Yep, I'd wanna go to Hoboken to see the Cake Boss. I'd tell him to make me a cake and because we had a million dollars he would do it."

Me: "Any particular cake you had in mind?"

Him: "Yep. A marble pound cake with a cream cheese filling and a ganache."

I laughed until I cried and then I questioned the normalcy of my children's love for the cake boss. Should I be worried?

Years ago I read a book called The Pilot's Wife. Everyone, has read this book. Oprah picked it eventually for her book club but I had already read it so for about 13 seconds I felt cooler than Oprah. I actually can't stand Oprah so it irritates me when she picks awesome books for her book club and I haven't read them yet.

Anyway, I really loved The Pilot's Wife so next I read The Weight of Water, by the same author. That book was even better. She became my author. I decided to read every book she ever wrote and I did. Fortunes Rocks was awesome and then Sea Glass........

I wanted to be Anita Shreve.

This went downhill quickly.

This women is obviously under some sort of contract to pump out a book a year but she clearly needs more time. Every three years, or so, she writes a book that is barely tolerable. This last one, Rescue, was the biggest piece of garbage I may have ever subjected my pretty green eyes to reading.

I think I may need a new author. Who is your author?

What is the point of this scattered and random post? Surely you know better than to ask a guest of PMS-tropolis that question.

Sunday, March 20, 2011

the skinny and the quinoa

I had no idea what quinoa was until about three weeks ago when I started contemplating vegetarian month. I wanted to have a healthy month, not just a meat free month. I did some research and opened my ears. I discovered my long lost love. I tiny little ball of goodness that is just plain fun to eat.

Why did no one ever tell me about this before?

Once again I feel like the last person on earth to hear the news. This always happens to me. If I was mentally unstable or super immature I would think you people were doing it to me on purpose. But that would be just plain silly.


The man loves the quinoa. It is the weirdest thing. He can't get enough. I'll make a ginormous salad thinking it will last me for a few lunches and he eats it all at dinner. Those little funny balls of pleasure and health. Who knew? Don't answer that. Everyone knew. Everyone but me.

I won't take it personally. I won't. Now I know and that's all that matters.

Right? (insert theme song from One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest)

Here's something to choke on.....I mean, enjoy:

Southwest Quinoa Salad:

2 cups water
1 cup quinoa
1/3 cup olive oil
1/3 cup of fresh lime juice
4 tsp apple cider vinegar
2 1/2 tsp ground cumin
1 tsp finely minced jalapeno
1 1/4 cups frozen corn kernels, thawed
1 cup diced red bell pepper
One 14 oz can black beans drained and rinsed
1/3 cup fresh cilantro
1/4 tsp salt

Bring water and quinoa to a boil in medium saucepan. Cover, reduce to simmer and cook for 10 minutes. Turn the heat off and leave the covered saucepan on the burner for another four minutes. Fluff with a fork and allow the quinoa to cool. Place the quinoa in a large bowl. Whisk the oil, lime juice, vinegar, cumin, jalapeno in a small bowl. Stir the dressing into the quinoa. Toss with the corn, red pepper, black beans, cilantro and salt. Serve immediately or cover and refrigerate in a sealed container for up to three days.

I did it different. I used a can of corn instead of frozen. I used a can of diced chilies instead of jalapeno. I sautéed the corn, beans and peppers with garlic and served the dish hot. I also added a bit of chipotle peppers in adobo sauce for some kick. We like the kick around here.

If you like Cafe Rio you will love this. Divine.

If I could have a garden and only grow cilantro then I would grow that cilantro and bathe my tongue in it's beauty every moment of everyday until I turned into a delectable, fragrant, green herb of heavenly goodness. I would be the happiest lady. And not in the least bit psychotic.

And now for the skinny -ness:

I hate running. I have decided and it's official. It's hard, it makes me exhausted and my bum hurts. And my calves. And my feet.
I didn't run much this week, again. I did work out a ton though. It's almost like my avoidance of the running just sends me over to the elliptical. It's as if I'm getting sweet revenge on the treadmill by using it's arch nemesis for my exercise instead. I guess the joke's though because I am so very pooped and my knees are yelling "hey, why don't you torture your bum for a bit over there on the treadmill and leave me the heck alone!" Do you think the treadmill could be laughing at me?

(Cue theme song)

I did run some but mostly I did the elliptical because the mile count is SO MUCH HIGHER and the feeling of accomplishment is more even though they are a pretty similar workout. Or so I think anyway. But what do I know? I'm crazy, remember.

37.35 miles. Awesome. 5 workouts. Awesome.

It must be all the remarkable sleep I am getting.

Sugar? None. Not a wink. Or a smidge. Or a pinch. Or a lick. You get the idea. No sugar was consumed.

Meat? I did have a spoonful of chicken sauce at the Relief Society Anniversary dinner. It was a moment of hunger and weakness when my brain told me that if I didn't put the sauce on the rice the meal would be bad. And I was hungry. I think my brain was right but I could have survived the meal meatless. Then my brain told me that since I am not a true vegetarian I shouldn't feel bad about it. My brain was lying. I felt bad.

Anyway, here is to a meat free week.


***Post edit: We have decided, since we eat this almost everyday, that it's remotely better cold and with green onions added to it. Gotta add the chipotle peppers though, they are what really make it great!

Thursday, March 17, 2011

beauties and the beast

This is what a Sunday afternoon nap looks like around here after the man has fallen asleep and the littlest child thinks he looks lonely.

In my next life I'm coming back as a man.

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

pain and punishment. and a recipe.

Last night I sent the boys downstairs to clean up their vicious mess while I made dinner out of my new cookbook. They would not stop fighting. My blood started to boil. I wanted to go down and smash some skulls but my good mommy instincts told me that physical violence was probably not my best option.

It was probably not a fantastic idea that I just confessed that either, so.... moving on.

As I stirred, cooked and spiced up a new recipe that I was eager to try I contemplated my various options and possible consequences for these two young men. The same young men who think it is fine to have Nerf wars that require the moving of furniture and complete upheaval of an entire basement and not put a single thing away or back to it's original position.

And then it happened. It being my love of natural consequences.

The recipe called for the processing of the decadent smelling concoction on my stove. I bought a new food processor at Christmas and any opportunity to blend the you-know-what out of my food is welcomed.

So I processed. And while I did, it occurred to me that the color of this meal was probably going to leave a little bit to be desired for the children. Ahhh, the it.

Black Bean Soup, which is more like a paste/dip than a soup. When you blend up black beans it doesn't look a rainbow. Knowwhatimean?

Punishment enough.

"Dinner!" Bwahahahahaha

I did try to disguise it so as to not have the moment they see it be one of panic and contemplation of calling the kids help phone. (1-800-668-6868, they are often reciting this, just in case.)

Pain and punishment was fun while it lasted. Verdict on dinner: Jack hated it, naturally. Cicely and Holden both said it was fine. Amelia, the man and I loved it. It really was delicious. A perfect dish to bring to a party.

Black Bean Soup

1 tbsp olive oil
1/2 cup chopped onion
1/2 cup quinoa
2 cups of chicken or vegetable broth
2-19 oz can of black beans drained and rinsed
1 tsp of minced fresh garlic
1 tsp chili powder
1/2 tsp ground cumin
1/4 tsp red pepper flakes
2 tbsp of chopped fresh cilantro
1 tbsp fresh lime juice
1/4 tsp salt
tortilla chips
shredded aged cheddar
sour cream or plain yogurt

Place the oil in saucepan over medium high heat. Add onion and sauté for 5-6 minutes. Add the quinoa and toast until lightly fragrant, about 4 minutes.

Add the broth, black beans and garlic to the pan and bring to a boil. Cover and reduce to a simmer. Cook until quinoa is tender, stirring frequently for about 14 minutes.

Add chili powder, cumin and red pepper flakes. Puree the cooked mixture with a hand blender or cool slightly and puree in two batches in a blender or food processor. Return the soup to the saucepan over low heat. Stir in the cilantro, lime juice and salt. Ladle into bowls, top with tortilla chips, cheese and sour cream or yogurt.

Monday, March 14, 2011

some cake and some skinny and some vegetarian

So I'll start with cake first and then the healthy stuff. You know, life is short, eat dessert first. That kind of thing. For the people who just want cake and no skinny they can stop after the recipe and ignore the good for you part.

A while ago I mentioned I made Skor Dessert sugar free and my lovely brother Derek had a real issue with it. He said it was gross. It wasn't gross but it wasn't good either. Well, I thought it was good but I was deprived. I can see why he thought it was gross. Anyway, when one doesn't eat sugar one sort of feels left out on occasion. For example, I went to a party Saturday night and a girl there had made and brought her infamous cupcakes that everyone raves about. I didn't eat any. And surprisingly, I was fine about it. The cravings are not strong anymore and I get over it a lot faster than I used to. But then the next day I wanted cake. I didn't need it, just wanted it. Big difference. I decided to make the cake I used for the Skor dessert again but this time try something different.

It. Was. Delicious. So moist and sooooo delicious. Or maybe I'm just deprived. You make it and then let me know.

(I already know, because everyone who ate it said so. So there)

Dark Chocolate Cake

1 3/4 cup flour
1 cup Splenda**
3/4 cup cocoa
1 3/4 tsp baking soda
1 1/2 tsp baking powder
1 tsp salt

1 cup honey
2 eggs
1 cup milk
1/2 cup oil
2 tsp vanilla

1 cup boiling water

Combine dry ingredients. Add remaining ingredients EXCEPT the water. Beat on medium speed for 2 minutes. Stir in (don't beat) the boiling water. Pour into lightly greased 9x13 pan. Bake at 325 for 30-35 minutes.

Check the cake right at 30 minutes, honey makes thing bake differently so keep an eye on it.

Yum yum!
** I don't want a lecture on artificial sweeteners like Splenda. I know it is "bad for you". Everything is "bad for you". Show me a person that never ever puts anything bad in their body and I'll stop making the yummiest chocolate cake you have ever had. Just eat it and zip it already!

Stop here if you were just visiting for some cake. This is where I tell you all what a rock star I was this week.

The Skinny:After the Fact

This week I did 32.65 miles. My knees hurt and I was tired.

Most of that was the elliptical but I don't care. I wasn't feeling the love for the running. So I opted for the machine next door (which is the elliptical and it isn't next door. Just next to the treadmill. Sometimes people take me so literally).

Running is hard, I've decided. I don't feel like I am progressing. Every now and then I have a good run but mostly it's just torturous and every week I have to bump it up a notch but that notch feels insurmountable. I thought it would get easier over time but it isn't.

I have often heard that working out curbs your appetite. Whoever said that was full of kaka. KnowwhatImean? I hit a level of famished about half way through every workout and it takes some serious eating to get it gone. I eat (painfully healthy) before every workout but man oh man, am I starved after.


Speaking of eating. Vegetarian month is going mostly great. I'll share my two fave recipes from last week with you this week. Only once did I make something that invoked gagging in any one person who resides in my house. He gagged, the rest of us gobbled. And once I made something that only one person loved. Holden ate three helpings of the Vegetarian Crock Pot Curry Vegetable Stew (the name is redundant I know, but that was the recipe name). It was not good, but the kid liked it. We like that kid. He's like Mikey, he'll eat anything.

I did have a belly ache all week. Not so much a belly ache but a pain in the top of my belly. It has to be the change of diet and the tons of exercise, but more than that I think that it was because Thursday and Friday I was so busy I didn't really take care of myself, other than the working out, and ate a lot of crap. I can see where vegetarians might be confused on their healthy lifestyle. Potato chips may not have meat but they are bad for you. I blame Lost Season 6 on box set. We only had one week to watch it, it was either that or make some healthy food. You see the conundrum. Or maybe you don't. It was only one night and I paid for it at 4 am.

Forgive me.

Sugar? Ummmm, maybe. But not very much. Have you ever had the Ghiradelli Brownies from Costco? Wow, they're good. Interesting fact. They did not bother my heart but Smokey Bacon Lays, which have sugar, did. And so does peanut butter. I have yet to decide if I am officially giving up peanut butter. That is a hard one. It only made my heart beat funny for half an hour. I have to decide if that is 30 minutes too much.

I like the regular heart beat. More than I ever would have thought. What to do.....what to do......

I have officially given up cereal. All cereal. Sad day.

Will Brad pick Emily or Chantal? Wait.... what??

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

lullaby kiss?

Set the scene. Amelia is at the kitchen table playing with her Princess tea set. I am at the computer 4 feet away saying "mmm hmm" fifty times per minute while she jabbers away with phrases that all end in "right mommy?"

Like this: "princesses love cookies, right mommy?" and "when I grow up I will be a real princess and drink real tea and eat real cookies, right mommy?"

"Right mommy?" inspires "mmm hmmm's". It's the natural order of things.

Then, out of the blue, she starts this conversation.

Amelia: "I want to call Buddy."

Me: "Who's Buddy?"

Amelia: "Buddy from Cake Boss. I want to order a cake. A vanilla cake. Actually..... a chocolate cake. With roses on it. I want it to be a lullaby kiss cake. For you mommy."

Me: "Awww, that's sweet Amelia. I would love a lullaby kiss cake from you. It sounds yummy."

Amelia: "Mommy?"

Me: "What Amelia"

Amelia: "What's a lullaby kiss?"

Seriously, this level of cuteness borders on intolerable. How am I supposed to be a productive citizen and get anything accomplished when I have to deal with this all day long?

I don't know, maybe it would look like this?

I would actually prefer this one:

but, obviously, I didn't tell her that.

And.... since when does the 5 year old watch Cake Boss?

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

freud on salsa

I'm not much of a believer that dreams have meanings but every now and then I have a dream that makes me go "hmmmmm". I guess recurring dreams might mean something but I would need a really smart person who knows lots about stuff to tell me they mean something. Like Dr. Sweets on Bones, he's pretty smart, he might know stuff.

When I was a kid I had two recurring dreams. In one, storm troopers would chase me from my house to my church where they had killed everyone and left them lying in all the rooms. By the time I had checked every room they would grab me and one would hoist me onto his shoulders and march me down the hill.

Nightmare? I'm not so sure. They didn't kill me so I guess that's a good thing. To this day storm troopers give me the heebs.

The second one was a lion would get into the house while we were all sleeping and I would scream in my bed but no one could come get me because the lion would kill them. Once I think it was a bear. That particular dream always elicited a real life scream that would bring my dad to me.

I still like the lions and the bears at the zoo though. Meaning? I haven't a clue.

Recently I had a dream that has evoked a variety of feelings and confusions. If dreams did have meanings then I would be curious to know the meaning of this one.

I woke and looked at the clock. It said 9:15. Church started at 9:00. I was late and all the kids were sleeping. We weren't going to church. The disappointment was extraordinary. I had such big plans. As I moped down the hall to the kitchen to dispose of my big plans I had this feeling of finality, like my plans were a one shot deal. It was almost tragic. I do believe I wanted to cry.

Maybe it wasn't too late. I could get the kids up and we could hurry and I would still be able to do what I had planned to do. But when I woke the kids they all had the worst bed head you could possibly imagine. Like nests of hair and twigs and other unsightly things. It would take forever to bathe them all and make them presentable. Forget it. I'll throw my plans out and we'll be done with them.

So I walked to the counter and threw out the two ziploc bags full of salsa I had planned on stuffing my bra with for church.

Like I said. I really don't believe that dreams have meanings but I did wake from this dream wishing Freud was still alive and was my friend on Facebook. I would certainly inquire about the meaning of this one.

Monday, March 7, 2011

march madness

What's in store for March? Well, I'll tell you. You may not like it. You may scoff and scorn. You may criticize and think I'm a super dummy. But I don't care, I'm excited about it. It's something I've always wanted to try but have never taken the time to understand. And then there's the family thing. Whenever I bring it up everyone else groans and rolls their eyes and gives me the "what in the bleepin' bleep is wrong with you?" stare. (When you are the main chef in the house and you chef up something people don't want you may get that stare often.)

But, for whatever reason, when I mentioned it as part of my 2011 resolution initiative, they all gave me the "um, okay, if you think it is worth a try" stare. So we're giving it a go.

What is it? What is it?


Yep, you heard me right. I am going vegetarian for the rest of the month of March.

Why? Oh why would a meat lover like me give up the meat? Well, because I have had meat almost every day for 37 years and I want to know if my body might like a little less meat in it. Definitely ON it but in it as well.

Now this isn't like the sugar thing. I'm more than happy to live a life without sugar, or very restricted sugar, because of how I feel, but I am certain, certain, that I will never ever permanently give up meat. But for a month, or most of a month, I will give it up, get it out of my system, gauge how I feel about it and then decide if it's worth it to only eat it a few times a week.

Is the family on board? Surprisingly....yes. When I told them that I wasn't cooking two separate dinners every night they said fine. When I told them I was going to be making things no one here has ever tasted, they said fine. When I told them that if they didn't like it they would be hungry, they said fine. They can have meat, I'm just not cooking it. Fine.

I do suspect there may a trip or two to Five Guys over the next couple of weeks for some people of the male variety around here. Those boys love their meat.

Last night, as a farewell to meat we had steak night. We buy and make the most amazing steaks in the world. I have never had a better steak anywhere else. Anyway, we ate early, 3:45 ish. Don't ask, long story, boring details. It was so good. We ate slow and savoured the succulence of the red meat. meat.

There was one steak left over. It called my name from the fridge all night long. It said "If you don't eat me who will? Come to me pretty lady and say your last farewell."

So I did.

That last steak may have been a mis-steak. Ba dum ching. Good bye beautiful steak. I will think of you fondly while I eat my tofu and stuff.....

So no sugar and no meat. Interesting.


The skinny for the past two weeks is this:

I worked out twice between Feb 21-26 and did about 15 miles (I'm too lazy to go and check)
None the next week because we went away to see my parents and I didn't work out.

I did take my shoes and my gym clothes and told myself it was possible and a person with a healthy mind and determination would exercise regardless of where she was.

Apparently, I'm not that person.

Friday, March 4, 2011

my so called sugar free life

I'm back!

"Where have you been dear Catherine? We have missed you so!" Is this what you are all screaming at your computers right now? Thought so.

I have been away. A spur of the moment trip to a land not so far away to ponder, in person, some potential new prospects in our lives. The prospects look good and I am super excited about them. That is all I am going to say on that matter right now.

Today I want to discuss sugar. Or the lack thereof.

As many of you know, in an effort relating to my 'healthy mind, healthy body' initiative of 2011, I gave up sugar for the month of February. I thought it would be hellish and futile. I also thought I would be confessing some sugary sins to my blog along the way.


It was glorious. And I was victorious! Here is the low down:

The first five days were rough. I was not sleeping at all and I was jonesing for the sugar.

Then. All of a sudden. Out of the blue. I got hit by the 'feeling wicked' semi. I hopped on and rode it all the way to February 28. (Notice how I picked the shortest month of the year to experiment with this. Coincidence, I swear!) However, I did get pms at the end of the month and I weirdly turned into a sugar sniffing blood hound. I could smell it. Everywhere. It taunted me but I held strong. Moving on......

I noticed four distinct differences in my life this month and, I do declare!, my not sharing them would be an unforgivable sin.

1. my funny heart beat is not so funny anymore. I can't hear it beating most of the time and I can't feel it beating most of the time either. I know that sounds weird. Maybe it's not weird. Can you feel and hear your own heart beat? Anyway, this is remarkable to me. Sometimes I felt like the crocodile who swallowed the clock in Peter Pan.

2. my head is clear. I can think. I can concentrate. I can focus. At first I thought it was because of #4 (to come yet) that this was to be attributed but then I ate some sugar on March 1st and was convinced, beyond a doubt, that sugar makes you stupid.

3. I breathe so much easier. I have very mild asthma and for the most part it doesn't bother me, or so I thought. I can't believe how easy I breathe now. I never would have imagined.

4. I sleep. I sleep people. I can sleep now. Whatdoyouthinkaboutthat??

Let me tell you about the sleep. As a parent, like most parents, my sleep went to crap when the first baby was born. After four babies I was just used to being tired. Then as time went by things got better and I slept fine.

Then I went to Europe in 2007 and I have not been right ever since. I don't know what those crazy Euros did to me but insomnia and I took up residence together and I haven't been able to convince it to move out. And not for a lack of trying either! Sometimes I had good nights but mostly they were bad. If I was stressed or pms-ing then they were really bad.

2010 was the year of stress and misery and I stopped sleeping. I felt like the walking dead a good portion of the time. I have been taking Melatonin for years, since the Europe debacle. Sometimes it helped but mostly it didn't. Acupuncture, which I swear by, did nothing for my sleeplessness. I figured I would grow old and die a sleepy woman. I made an appointment with my doctor to try some perscription sleeping pills. I was resigned to the fact that I was to become 'one of those women'.

So.... after the first couple days of my so called sugar free life, I was so desperate for sleep I took the advice of a friend and went to Costco to get some Super Sleep, while I waited the week to get into my doctor.

The first night they worked great. I slept. But woke tired. Second night, no difference in sleep. Third night. Not a wink. I did not sleep a wink that night. I gave up the Super Sleep and renamed it Super NO Sleep.

By this time I was sugar free for over a week. Screw sleep, I'll just lie here awake waiting for my doctor to drug me into oblivion with pharmaceuticals.

That night I slept. 8 straight hours. Whaaat?????

The next night it happened again. And the next and the next and the next and before I knew it I was going on three weeks of 7 or 8 or EVEN MORE hours of uninterrupted, glorious, brilliant, magnificent sleep.

What in heaven's name is going on around here? Unaided sleep. Well I never......

I cancelled my appointment with the good doctor.

But then, I went to visit my parents and I never sleep well there so, in my supreme wisdom, I brought the Super No Sleep with me in the hopes that it would miraculously work. The first night I took it and was UP ALL NIGHT! Sometimes my supreme wisdom lacks in supreme-ness-ism.

(I'm allowed to make up words on my own blog, right?)

As I lay awake pondering the misery of my own existence I wondered what the heck the ingredients were in Super Sleep so I checked them. The first two ingredients are Dextrose and Sucrose. What on earth?

Stupid Super Sleep. Never again. So from then on I trusted that I would sleep and I did. Like a log.

Okay, that was all #4. I talk too much. You'd think I was on sugar or something!

Now, on March 1st, I celebrated my month long sugar fast by ingesting my fair share of sugar. And your fair share as well. Brilliant, right? No, not so much. I felt like garbage. My heart raced my head spun and I was wheezy. I have stopped the sugar, again.

Now that's brilliant!

My sugar free life will continue on till the end of March. There, I have said it out loud. (Writing it on my blog is the same as saying it out loud. I do believe I read that somewhere).

But because it's now March, I must announce this months theme in regards to my 2011 initiative. I haven't started it yet because it's complex and I couldn't start it at my mom's house. Well I could have, but I didn't. Logistics and all......

I'll announce it Sunday night as Monday is day one! Who's excited??