Friday, October 1, 2010

the decorative snot hankie

I'm a mormon. Yes, I am. And the second week I went to my new ward in Willow Park I sat next to this sweet little old lady whom I couldn't take my eyes off.

She was wearing a pink long sleeved mock neck sweater under a low cut purple capped sleeve dress. She has long grey hair and it was pulled up in to the cutest little bun on top of her head (and I mean right on top of her head) with a pink bow wrapped around it. She had fuzzy pink gloves on that were the exact shade of her sweater.

Between her pink sweater and her purple dress was a pretty white doily type decoration. I assumed it was there to add flare to her already spunky outfit. It sat perfectly coifed. Half inside and half outside her dress. It added the balance her outfit lacked.

Half way through the meeting she pulled it out and blew her nose loud and hard into it. I stared. It was inexplicable. I almost gagged. I have a thing about nose blowing.

And then............

And then she put it back into her dress. Perfectly coifed. Half inside and half outside her dress.

After the meeting she asked me about me. I wanted to go but she wanted to talk and who am I to begrudge an old lady some Catherine time. I told her our plans. We are here shortly to finish the reno and then we are moving back to the northwest. She looked me dead in the eye and said this:

"I have a whole bunch of recipes with your name on them. And, you belong here."

What does one say to that? I wanted to run away and put my house on the market that very instant but instead I stayed and said this:

"You have recipes with my name on them? What does that mean?"

She replied: "You belong here because I have recipes with your name on them. That's how I know."

I went on to ask more questions. Like did she actually have recipes in her house with my name on them? Because that WOULD be a sign, right? Besides just being really creepy and weird. Or did she just have recipes that she wanted me to eat? I simply couldn't understand so I smiled and said, "We'll see. Only time will tell."

I gave her frail pink arm a squeeze and turned to walk away and she yelled after me. "You belong here, you'll see!"


Okay, on another note. My birthday is coming up and I am having a party. An unveiling of sorts. Willacy will be done soon and I want to sell it before I love it any more than I already do. My nephew moved out and so now there is no reason to stay until semester change. I need to move on.

The party will be on October 23 and EVERYONE is invited. It will be at 7 pm and it is for adults only. (Babies welcome, of course)

Everyone who comes to my party will leave with a little bag of Jake's Amazing BBQ salt. If you have already had some of this salt then you will know of it's greatness and if you haven't had it then you'll want to come just to put it's awesomeness in your hands.

Grown ups don't party enough. I think it's lame. Get a sitter and get your butt to the best, newly renovated, party house ever.

More details to come. Including a birthday giveaway. So stay tuned.


  1. I don't know if I would be freaked out OR confused by her saying "You belong here" to me over and over again.
    You will have to keep updated on this subject.

  2. this post had so many highs and lows it's kind of left me reeling. I feel a bit being on a roller-coaster...or maybe it's the snot doily that's doing it.

  3. We will be there. We will not bring our kids (not even Emmett). We will be late. I would like you to fill Brett's "Jake Spice Jar" to the brim. That stuff is crazy delicious.

  4. You should have said, "if I say the names Hanzel and Gretle, how do you respond? Yummy? Or, that was a sad story.". Did that feel like the lowest-low? When someone like that says "you belong here." really? I belong here? With you?

  5. Hmm...she blew her nose into a part of her outfit? Don't only men do that these days??


    I'd be a little freaked by her presumptuousness.

    We'll see.....

  6. *Smile*

    This reminds me of a woman (bless her passed-on soul) who always wore lipstick to church that perfectly matched her brightly accessorized outfits. She faithfully bore her testimony every time she made it to church on a fast Sunday. One time, after an interesting testimony of how good her pain meds made her feel after a surgery, she grabbed my husband by the arm on her way back to her seat (he was sitting on the end of the front row) and said in a loud whisper, "Next bishop!" indicating my husband with a head nod.

    We moved away from that ward before we had the chance to see if her prophecy would have come true, thank goodness!

  7. Wow...weird... Kinda creepy. Hopefully you don't find her in your home late at night stealing your recipes from your recipe box!!

    Make sure you always have kleenex! You never want to have unexpected sniffles or worse yet a tear and she hand you a gross old handkerchief that has seen a few too many snot rockets!!